I think sometimes it is so hard to determine if you are enabling or helping a person. I try to be there, but sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be doing what I am doing. It’s gets confusing, you want to help and do what is right. But you also have to give your loved one space and also let them work some things out on their own.
It’s a tough spot. It’s a spot that you get a lot of “advice” from others that may not be good advice. Tough love is important, but you have to remember the LOVE is in tough love. Love of your loved one and of yourself. Love has compassion and empathy. Listening is one of the first parts, really listening. Listening NOT to respond but to understand.
I reflect a lot, probably too much! But, I do, I reflect at my actions, words and thoughts. I try to think through things and how it affects all involved. I think one of the problems, at least in my perspective is that I and people like me think more of the feelings of their loved ones and not their own feelings. We have to keep ourselves healthy to be able to help others.
I have been trying to practice mindfulness and mediation for a long while now. I did okay with it when I participated in a restorative yoga class. The atmosphere was great for helping with mediation, the guidance of acknowledging a thought and then letting it go. I find it very hard to do this on my own, but I try. I think this is a good practice to help keep myself healthy. Praying hasn’t worked for me in a long time, I still have a lot to work through since we lost Amber. I believe in God, but have a lot of trouble building a relationship.